The Eternal Flame
The following blog post contains images and information that may contain triggering and/or sensitive material.
April 15, 2000 was a chilly spring Saturday morning in Ohio. I was on my way home from dropping off our dog at the groomers and I decided to take a country road I wasn’t familiar with. Just before turning down the road I decided to put my window down and get some cold fresh air. Just after I turned onto the road, I decided to put my seatbelt on. 60 seconds later my life was forever changed.
Growing up, I was significantly overweight, a closeted gay kid, and I was an outcast. I was constantly bullied and teased and I had few, if any friends. I struggled academically, I was depressed, anxious, and lonely. I hated my life.
My parents did everything in their power to help me. They moved me to a private school, they took me with them to every social function they went to so I wouldn’t be alone. Every time I would come home crying, they would sit with me for hours and hug it out. Despite their best efforts, I was miserable and I contemplated suicide. I felt like I was a burden to everyone, my parents included. I felt like my life was a mistake.
April 15, 2000, 60 seconds after putting down my window and buckling my seatbelt I went over a steep hill at 55mph. I went airborne, spun out into a ditch, then rolled my car 3 times, landing upside down. I unbuckled my seat belt and fell to the roof of my car. I crawled out of the window that I had just opened, brushed a small piece of safety glass out of my knee and stood in front of my car almost completely unscathed.
As I waited for emergency services to arrive, I watched a small flame about the size of a cigarette lighter grow until my car was engulfed in flames.
When interviewed by the state trooper, I told him about buckling my seatbelt and putting down my window. I will never forget his words…
“You have no idea how lucky you are to be alive. If your seatbelt wouldn’t have been fastened you would have been ejected on the first roll. If your car window wouldn’t have been down, the way your car landed, you would have been trapped inside and burned alive.”
The state trooper also pointed out that my car landed directly in front of a cross on the side of the road, in memoriam of someone who had died in an auto accident there six months earlier. It shook me to the core.
From that day forward, I knew that I had a purpose. If my existence had really been as desolate and hopeless as I had thought, fate would have surely taken me in that crash. Since that moment, I have never contemplated suicide again.
As I look back, I am reminded of an excerpt from Oh Me! Oh Life! by Walt Whitman.
“The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
Answer.
That you are here—that life exists and identity, That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.”
My gift is my ability to tell compelling stories. My purpose is to tell those stories for the greater good. That is my verse.
I was 19 years old that day. Almost 23 years later, it is still one the most defining moments of my life. I have faith in myself, knowing that I have a purpose, knowing that I am here to make a difference.
When I initially launched my full time film career in 2017, Eternal Flame Media was my first concept. The Eternal Flame is knowledge that is passed from person to person, generation to generation. The flame is blue because blue flame burns hotter than its amber counterpart, the hotter the flame, the more intense the message. Looking back at the pictures of my car, I realize that it too was blue, and with the element of fire, perhaps the subliminal birth of the Eternal Flame.
As time went on, I started to move away from the Eternal Flame and pursue Sean-Michael Film Production as what I believed was a more lucrative branding opportunity. While I have had success, I have not had fulfillment. I lost sight of what truly matters.
I have spent most of my life in conflict with myself. While I know that I am here to make a difference, I have been living in fear. Fear that I wasn’t enough. Fear that I was less than. Fear of judgment that I so commonly felt from others. Fear that I would be picked apart for the mistakes, missteps, and regrets in my life. Fear of being vulnerable for the greater good.
That ends today.
I am not perfect and I don’t have to be. I need to be authentic and true to myself. To this point in my life, I have played it small. I realize that playing it small isn't serving myself or the world around me, and it is not why I am here. I am here to serve a purpose far greater than myself.
Effective immediately, Sean-Michael Film Production and Sean-Michael.com will be absorbed into Eternal Flame Media and the Eternal Flame Media Group. I am relaunching the podcast, The Eternal Flame - Passing the Torch, along with blog posts and video content on an ongoing basis.
If you have an authentic and compelling story to tell, I’d like to help you tell it. What is the narrative of your company? What is your mission? What will your verse be?
